Why do we invest so much time and energy attempting to manage how others perceive us? At some point in our lives, we've likely asked ourselves the question of, "What would others think of me?"
It's essential to recognize that we have no control over other people's opinions or perceptions of us. Why? Because their viewpoint of us has nothing to do with who we are as individuals. It's important to understand that everyone perceives reality through their own unique experiences, desires, and preferences. Unfortunately, many people fall into the trap of living a life based on other people's opinions and expectations. This can lead to a life that is unfulfilling and untrue to oneself. It's common to spend an inordinate amount of time pretending and lying to others in an attempt to control their impression of us, but this only gives them the power to determine our worth. Depending on how they view or treat us, we may begin to question our worth and even base our self-worth on their approval or disapproval. It's important to remember that we should live our lives based on our values, beliefs, and aspirations, not on other people's opinions.
Striving to control other people's opinions of you leads to an inauthentic existence. Consider how this may manifest in your behavior - you may avoid certain actions due to concerns about others' perceptions, withhold your views on topics you feel strongly about out of fear of being judged, or even support or oppose something based on how it'll affect your image. The reality is that you can never be entirely sure of what someone thinks of you. They may praise you, but their inner thoughts may tell a different story. Furthermore, if you present yourself as someone you believe others will like, and they are attracted to this persona, they're actually drawn to a false version of you. Ultimately, how long can you continue pretending to be someone you're not?
During our childhood, we are taught to seek approval from authority figures. Whether it is excelling academically, maintaining a clean room, eating our vegetables, or exhibiting proper manners, we are rewarded with validation from our parents. This habit of taking action for approval becomes ingrained in us since an early age. However, as adults, when we don't receive affirmation from others, we begin to question our self-worth.
One of the most liberating realizations I've had is granting people the freedom to have their own opinions about me. I recognize that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. It doesn't impact me because I understand that I'm not universally likable. In fact, there have been occasions where I haven't been fond of myself either, so I comprehend why others may feel the same way. It's essential to understand that if someone doesn't like you, it doesn't suggest that you're flawed or inadequate. The same holds for preferences towards oranges or apples. If someone doesn't enjoy these fruits, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them. Apples and oranges will continue to have their unique taste and properties, and those who appreciate them will be drawn to them, while others may not be. Ultimately, people are entitled to their opinions and preferences, and that's perfectly acceptable.
Our concern for others' opinions of us stems from the significance we assign to them. For instance, if someone dislikes us, we may interpret it as a reflection of our likability or an indication that something is amiss with us. It's important to remember that people's perceptions of you, themselves, and the world are influenced by factors outside your awareness. Therefore, it's best to avoid getting too preoccupied with them. After all, what others think of you is none of your business. What you can control is your opinion of yourself and the steps you take to love and accept yourself wholly, including the parts others may misunderstand, dislike, or not support. Your ability to embrace and love yourself unconditionally affects how you show up and thrive in life.
In the past, I was deeply afraid of criticism and judgment, and as a result, I kept to myself and put up wall. However, I came to the realization that people will inevitably form opinions about me, even in the absence of knowledge about me. Their views, regardless of their accuracy, will exist. I also discovered that if I internalize their negative feedback, it can have a significant impact on my self-esteem. As a result, I had to work on myself and develop a mindset that disassociated opinions from my self-worth and capabilities.At the same time, I also needed to identify areas in which I could improve based on valid feedback and use it as a learning opportunity for personal growth.
When you assume the role of an entrepreneur, writer, or business owner, and begin creating content, products, or services, you inevitably expose yourself to criticism. This is an inescapable reality. It's important to remember that people may not always be receptive to your ideas, creations, or actions, and it's vital to remain resilient in the face of such negativity. Those who are receptive to constructive criticism often demonstrate a willingness to take risks and accept the possibility of making errors. This mindset can lead to personal growth and development, as mistakes provide valuable learning opportunities. With the ability to tune out external influences, your potential for success becomes boundless.
My encouragement to you is to live life on your own terms, regardless of what others may think. I challenge you to take risks, even if it may invite criticism, and step outside of your comfort zone. Embrace the possibility of making mistakes, and grant others the freedom to form their own opinions, just as you have yours. It’s essential to develop a positive self-image that isn't swayed by the opinions of others. By doing so, you can empower yourself to show up as your best self every day.